OUR PROBLEM: FORGETFULNESS

24^TH Sunday in Ordinary Time

Mt 18:21- 35

          “To forgive is to forget” is an overly romanticized saying.  It is a confusing cliché.  To forgive is to forget…forget what?  Forget that we have been hurt?  Forget that we have been forgiven?  Forget what?

          If forgetting comes before forgiving, then how can we forgive when we do not remember what has to be forgiven?  If forgetting comes after forgiving, then how do we learn from the wrong that has been forgiven?  If forgetting comes with forgiving, forgetting does not necessarily mean forgiving.

          “To forgive is to forget”, an overly romanticized saying that is not always true, did not come from Jesus.  What Jesus said is rather clear: “Forgive seventy times seven.”

          Since seven is a perfect number for the Jews, Jesus meant that we must forgive each time there is a need for us to forgive.  Jesus neither implied nor directly stated that to forgive is to forget.

          To forgive is to remember.  It is to remember that we also hurt others just as others hurt us.  It is to remember that we need other’s forgiveness just as others need our forgiveness.  It is to remember that we have been forgiven so that we may forgive.  It is to remember that God forgives us regardless how grave and frequent our sins are.  It is to remember that God is Father of us all and that we are brothers and sister to one another.  It is to remember that not to forgive is not to be forgiven by our Father in heaven, as we pray in the Lord’s Prayer.  Forgiveness flows from remembering, happens because of remembering, becomes grace through remembering.

          When St. Paul wrote, “Love keeps no record of wrong,” he meant that love transcends the wrong done.  He implied remembering because how can love transcend what does not exist even in memory?  To transcend is not to forget but to transform moments of pain into moments of growth, a shameful incident into a humbling experience, memories that hurt into lessons of grace.

          When Jesus rose from the dead, He still bore the marks of the wounds our sins inflicted on Him.  Intriguing, right?  Even now in heaven, Jesus, even in His glorified Body, bears the same reminder of our transgressions.  Say that again please?  His resurrection did not erase the image of His crucifixion.  Rather, His resurrection highlighted even more the grace of His cross.  It is in the light of the Resurrection that the Crucifixion should be understood and can have meaning in our lives.

          Jesus remembers.  He does.  And so He forgives.

PLEASE MAKE IT FRATERNAL

23^rd Sunday in Ordinary Time

Mt 18:15-20

      The problem with many of our fraternal correction sessions is that they are not fraternal at all.  Quite often, there is little, if any, brotherly in the way we correct one another.  Thus, fraternal correction ends up in fraternal destruction, like a demolition project, a collapse of relationships where doors are not only closed but bridges are also burnt.

      Fraternal corrections must bear three things.

     First, genuine love should be the only motive for correcting the erring.  It must be love between brothers; that is why it is defined as “fraternal”.  Just as genuine love is its sole motive, its only goal must be authentic love as well. Genuine love means wishing the authentic good of the other.

     Second, fraternal correction is not judgment day.  It should not be considered as the long awaited day of verdict regarding the character of the one being corrected.  Judging the other does not correct; it condemns.  Judging does not fix anything; it separates the accuser from the accused.  Judging closes the ears, hardens the heart, and, sometimes, even clenches the fist.  Avoid judging when correcting.  Say how the other’s negative behavior affects you instead.  Judging says, “You are a liar!”  Fraternal correction says, “When you lie, I am deeply hurt because I trust you and believe in you always.”

    Third, every fraternal correction should be a “win-win” situation.  We correct not to put the other down.  We correct to raise the other up.  We correct not to prove that we are certainly right while the other is undoubtedly wrong.  We correct to have a better life together.  We correct not to triumph over the other.  We correct to build up one another.  When the fraternal correction is over, every party should feel a winner.  Fraternal correction is not for losers.

     When we do fraternal correction, let us make sure that we gather in the name of Jesus.  When we do so, Jesus promises two things in the Gospel today, our prayers will be granted and Jesus shall be in our midst.

      I propose three things for us to agree on: (1.) meet together in the name of the Lord; (2.) pray together for unity; and (3.) where correction is needed do so together as brothers and sisters.  This proposal is open to corrections, too.  But please make it fraternal also.