A BAD PATIENT I WAS

Tuesday in the 4th Week of Lent
Jn 5:1-16

I am nursing a flue while writing this reflection. I confess I used to be a bad patient. I did not like taking in medicine. I would never confine my self in my room for complete bed-rest, but instead would go about doing my routine and satisfying the demands of my ministry as much as my body permitted. I hit the showers even when my mom kept on telling me not to. I was a bad patient. And my mom hated it.

I turned forty years old two weeks ago. One of the things I am beginning to realize is the change in my physical and biological resistance. When I was younger, I could do just what I described earlier when I was sick, and I got away with it. But today, with my first flu after turning forty, I notice that I am weaker and the fever seems to linger longer. It is the third day of my convalescence. I began to listen to my mom’s valid advice and I seem to be a better patient now.

Jesus asked the man who was sick for thirty-eight years, “Do you want to be well again?” It is interesting that Jesus asked him that. Why did He not just heal him right there and then, no questions asked? Why did He have to ask him or did He have to really ask him first? What if the sick man replied, “No,” would Jesus heal him anyway?

“God who created you without asking you will not save you without consulting you,” said St. Augustine. The Lord does not force Himself on us. He respects our freedom even when we misuse it or, worse, even when we use our freedom against Him. If we want to be healed, we have to tell Him. Not that He is not aware of our desire for healing, but that He wants us to be more aware of it instead. Moreover, we need to be constantly reminded of two things. First, that the Lord alone is the Source of our healing. Second, that healing is for the asking (“Ang healing ay hinihiling”).

I want to be well again. I am aware that I need healing. I know that my healing comes from the Lord. And so I ask Him, “Lord, heal me.”

My mom is not happy now that I am sick. She worries, I know. But she is happier now that I follow her advice to take in medicine, to rest, to avoid the showers for the meantime, and to be a better patient. “Do you want to be well again” – I heard this from her several times when I was younger and sick. “Of course, I do,” I used to answer her, but I never follow her advice. This time, it is different, I tell her, “Yes, I do,” then obey her.

Lent is a special time for healing, if it is really healing that we want. And if we really want to be healed in a particular aspect of our spiritual life, Jesus asks us the same question, “Do you want to be well again?” What is our answer? But, more importantly, what do we do?